im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
