so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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