SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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