You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
