Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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