I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
