ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
