flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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