Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize