he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
