i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
