i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
