We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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