Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
