My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i've created a new STD.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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