This is not my ceiling
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I cockslap morals
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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