he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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