I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i drank out of a bidet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize