At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
