Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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