sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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