call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
