please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
