My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
50% drunk capacity currently
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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