I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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