Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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