no, he came in my armpit
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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