We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
