So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize