PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
