normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
