I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
