what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
