Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
