i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
