i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
