this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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