so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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