I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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