We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if only i could text you this smell
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
