i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
