There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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