i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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