fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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