what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
