Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
