if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
