singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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