I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
