i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize