hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
