is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this boner is exhausting
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
