He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
