Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
