Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
