Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
