We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize