I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize