Don't make out with my wife yet
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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