I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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