Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
