I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
