Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
