Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we made out on top of his cat.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
